What Raul said about having forgiven Suzette had got to Vince more than anything. He kept thinking about it. Raul said that he’d tried but been unable to forgive Suzette for taking Maddie from him. He’d been able to forgive a lot, but not that. But when he’d started praying about it, God had helped him learn how to forgive. “Sometimes it’s a daily choice, or even a moment by moment. It has definitely gotten easier with time, but…” Raul had broken off and looked away for a moment, “It was definitely harder for awhile after Maddie came back, and then when the stories started coming forth…well, I had to do a lot of praying and choosing to forgive again. A lot happened to Maddie after she took her, things I don’t think I’ll ever know all about. Maddie can be pretty close-lipped.” Vince had agreed. And privately Vince had been wondering ever since. Was it possible to be free of his mother’s…of his own inability to forgive her completely? And his own experiences didn’t even come close to things that had happened to Maddie and now as he heard things about Misha’s father.
Misha didn’t act like someone who had been abused however. “Misha, you have trouble forgiving?”
“Yep. Anyone who tells you different, lies.”
“Trouble forgiving your father?”
“Yeah, most of that is past now, and I’m finding God is restoring those portions of our relationship. He was too severe. My biggest hurdle with forgiveness was forgiving God, however.”
Vince hadn’t thought of it in quite such a way, but it made sense, he guessed that was part of his problem with accepting that God might even be interested in knowing him in the way Pastor Dale said. He was seeing some of what the man was saying, and darn but he did feel awfully guilty of his own sins when he thought about Jesus dying on the cross for him. He should ask more questions, but he was still biding his time…but the day would come when he’d need to answer some hard questions about himself. Not about who his family was, not about what crimes his father had done or that his brother was perpetuating in family tradition, but about what Vince had done. Who knew maybe then he’d be able to address the thoughts of his mother. He’d stayed away from those thoughts for sixteen years, he’d been seven when she’d left and set it all behind him.
Misha picked the conversation back up, “Forgiving God for letting my mother get cancer and then taking her from us. That was the hardest, still is hard sometimes. Everything in our life changed. It was a direct attack upon our family and not one of us escaped unscathed.”
“You’re the only one who seems to be doing okay.”
“You call this okay? One brother who traipse around the world never settling lest he might have to face real life someday, another spending a couple of years in prison for getting involved with the wrong people, and another serving life for killing someone in a fight. Then there’s Dad, who was just plain stupid, in his business partner choice as well as not keeping track of his financial obligations, never thought the day would come when I’d see him behind bars. Not to mention that fact that I’m raising a child of each of my brothers…none of whom have ever been married…” She broke off and grinned at him, “This is starting to sound worse than it is.”
“I don’t think so.”
“But it does sound worse, because I’m more and more convinced that God brought me here. Dad was right, people here are trying to take care of me.”
“If you’ll let them.”
“Yeah, I’m working on that. Hard to trust people, and I’m pretty stubborn.”
“I wouldn’t know anything about that.” Vince’s dry tone made her laugh, and he joined in. It was when his friends said things like this that he began to think that maybe he’d have to check into this God who could cause a body go through things and yet He didn’t leave one alone to face life. He could use someone like that on his side.
Joanna's Words 